Caring for a Parent with Bulimia

​Contributor:  Leigh Bell, BA, writer for Eating Disorder Hope

Caring for anyone who’s battling bulimia is challenging, but the task can be even more difficult when the person struggling is mom or dad. The role reversal may be awkward – the dedicated caretaker now cared for by his or her child. Or the roles may have reversed long ago if the parent has long struggled with bulimia,

Either situation can create resentment, as well as guilt. But bulimia is the fault of no one. The causes are genetics, environment, personal history, and other factors we may never know. Families alone do not cause bulimia.

Eating disorders do occur in times of transition, which is one reason bulimia is seen as an illness of adolescence and young adulthood, which are times when individuals move into adolescence or out of the house for college. It’s true the onset of bulimia is typically before age 20, however many middle-aged women, and some men, also have bulimia.

Experts say over the last decade they’re treating an increasing number of women over 30 with eating disorders, according to a New York Times article.

Some women have had the eating disorder for decades and their health or family have forced them into treatment, but other women may cling to bulimia for the first time during the uncertainty of life transitions, like bringing home a baby or adjusting to an empty nest.

We say women because the females are the vast majority of middle-age people seeking treatment for an eating disorder. About 4% of women and 1% of women have bulimia, according to ANRED, Anorexia Nervosa and Related Eating Disorders.

As someone cares for a parent with bulimia, it is important to remember:

1. Bulimia is not a choice but recovery is.
2. Someone cannot simply “stop” being bulimic.
3. Weight does not indicate the severity of an eating disorder – (this is especially true for bulimia)
4. Bulimia is dangerous – almost 4% of those with the eating disorder die because of it.
5. Recovery is a gradual process that will be full of ups and downs but people can and do fully recover from bulimia.

This just scratches the surface. It’s important to learn about bulimia if you’re caring for someone with it. Society accepts as true many myths and untruths about the illness, and you will want to know the difference. As you learn generalities of bulimia, explore how the eating disorder is personally affecting your parent. Ask how you can help and how they’re feeling; and listen with patience and an open mind.

The National Eating Disorder Association (NEDA) offers more advice for supporting a loved one with an eating disorder:

• Refrain from telling the person what they should do.
• Offer to help with practical tasks (laundry, errands, etc.)
• Focus on the emotional aspects of the eating disorder, not just the physical ones.
• Arrange activities that don’t involve food or eating so your parent can take part and enjoy it.
• Distract your parent during and after meals to help with his or her anxiety.
• Express any concerns that arise.
• Validate their feelings and emotional pain, especially when they share something difficult.
• Don’t take their actions personally.
• Set boundaries to preserve your own emotional well-being.

Because this is a long process, it’s important to take of yourself. You may consider individual therapy. Keep in mind that eating disorders have a genetic element. Family members of someone with an eating disorder are 7-12 times more likely to develop an eating disorder themselves. So simply be aware of your eating habits.

If your parent isn’t in treatment, encourage him or her to seek it out. Many middle-age people avoid eating disorder treatment because it normally caters to younger people. Your parent may feel ashamed to be dealing with bulimia in this phase of his or her life. Let your parent know it’s not abnormal.

Another challenge for treatment are the personal responsibilities adults have that adolescents and young adults may not, like a full-time job, a home, and maybe children for whom to care.

Fortunately, there are many treatment options aside from inpatient if individuals are healthy enough to stay at home. The include partial hospitalization (nonresidential treatment for about 8 hours each weekday); intensive outpatient (nonresidential treatment a few full days a week or partial days all week); and an outside treatment team (arranging regular visits with a private therapist, dietician, and any other needed professionals).

Encourage your parent to follow treatment recommendations; offer to attend family counseling sessions; and be as involved in his or her therapy as possible.

Now, if your parent refuses treatment, he or she isn’t the first. Emphasize the reality of recovery with the right treatment. In the hands of bulimia, people tend to lose hope and may need lots of encouragement. Give your parent some time to absorb the reality of his or illness, and then revisit treatment.

If your parent continues to refuse treatment, you have a few legal options to use as a last resort. Medical guardianship and financial conservatorship are ways to gain more power over decisions best for your parent. Another legal option is what’s called a “72-Hour Hold,” which means a hospital can hold and/or treat people deemed in immediate danger to themselves or others.

Hopefully, none of these legal actions is needed and your parent willingly enters treatment, walking through the door to recovery. Remember this is a marathon. Recovery is not fast and it’s not easy – but it is real and it is possible.

Community Discussion – Share your thoughts here!

Has your parent struggled with bulimia?  Were you a support person for your parent?  What advice do you have to share?

---

About the Author:

Leigh Bell holds a Bachelor of Arts in English with minors in Creative Writing and French from Loyola Marymount University in Los Angeles. She is a published author, journalist with 15 years of experience, and a recipient of the Rosalynn Carter Fellowship for Mental Health Journalism. Leigh is recovered from a near-fatal, decade-long battle with anorexia and the mother of three young, rambunctious children.

---

The opinions and views of our guest contributors are shared to provide a broad perspective of eating disorders.  These are not necessarily the views of Eating Disorder Hope, but an effort to offer a discussion of various issues by different concerned individuals.  We at Eating Disorder Hope understand that eating disorders result from a combination of environmental and genetic factors.  If you or a loved one are suffering from an eating disorder, please know that there is hope for you, and seek immediate professional help.

Last Updated & Reviewed By: Jacquelyn Ekern, MS, LPC on October 9, 2015. Published on EatingDisorderHope.com