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Recovering From Trauma and Rebuilding Body Image
Contributor: W. Travis Stewart, LPC, MATS, Revision Recovery Coaching
Several years ago, a woman came to see me who would regularly limit her calories to the point of passing out in an effort to avoid her emotions and play out her belief that she is unworthy and undeserving.
She verbalized a strong faith but had difficulty believing that the love of God extended to her. Her hatred of her body, in particular her stomach and thighs, were an expression of her hatred toward her own soul.
Our emotional and physical selves are intimately intertwined. What happens to the body happens to the self, the soul, the heart, the person. We are whole persons that have both an inner and outer expression. For this woman, like many who are the victims of trauma, particularly, relational, sexual trauma, experienced a disconnection of the body and the self.
Trauma and Eating Disorders Often Connect
This is common among individuals, and particularly women with eating disorders. One study found that 54% of a non-clinical, representative sample of women in the U.S. with eating disorder trauma had lifetime histories of a major crime victim event; such as rape, molestation and/or aggravated assault.
Susan Kleinman describes how this works for trauma survivors:
Individuals with eating disorders, as well as survivors of trauma, tend to fix their attention on their distorted perception of themselves. In an attempt to avoid bodily felt connections they may numb feelings and sensations to quell overwhelming emotions, and engage in punitive and negative thoughts and self talk regarding their perceptions of themselves.
The Role of Shame
One primary reason for this disconnection is the role that shame plays in the experience of sexual trauma.
Shame is the psychological and embodied experience that results from the real or perceived experience of being unloved, unacceptable or repulsive in the gaze of another. Shame then causes us to want to disconnect from whatever is visible to others.
In particular our bodies are vulnerable to shame because they are what are most visible to others. Body shame develops when we experience our physical self as the cause of the shame and humiliation either through outside attacks on the body or a inner sense of betrayal by our body.
Separating the Self from the Body
Sexual abuse is particularly powerful in this aspect. In being sexually abused the body can be separated from self. This is done both by the abuser and the victim.
The perpetrator is not relating to the victim as a whole person. They are attacking and using the body but not truly seeing them as a person of dignity and worth. They never truly make “eye contact”.
Disconnecting from the Body
The victim feels simultaneously attacked and unseen. At that moment they are both are the center of the world and non-existent. Dr. Diane Powell says, “The attacker projects on the victim a sense of nothingness. ‘You are nothing’ the abuse says and the victim experiences, ‘I am worse than nothing.’”1
Simultaneously, the victim often disconnects from the body in an attempt to survive the confusion, and trauma. They may think, “In order to survive I must become nothing. My body can be used as a thing but to maintain my life I must not be present in my body.” Of course, this can lead to severe body hatred.
Contempt for the Body
Separation from and contempt (hate) for the body, or the opposite of embodiment, is a significant factor in poor body image. Whenever we objectify something (make it an object rather than something personal) we make room for hatred.
As an example, this is how racism works. One race distances themselves from another, believing, “that race is not as human as we are. They are less than us.” That is a way of putting distance between us. When we do that we make room for hate. That is how you can come to hate your body—by seeing it as something separate from you. By seeing as an object.
Objectification of the Body
In addition to the objectification that a trauma survivor experiences from the trauma, they may unwittingly participate in objectifying themselves as well. When you judge the size of your thighs you are objectifying the body. When you criticize the shape of your arms, you are objectifying.
Healing will involve getting reconnected to your body and seeing the body as a legitimate and healthy expression of your identity.
Reconnecting with the Body
Here are three practical ways to begin getting reconnected to the body: reconnecting through our story, reconnecting through our community and reconnecting with your body.
Before we discuss reconnecting with the body, a word of warning: If you have experienced significant trauma and have any type of flashbacks or panic related to the body, please do this work with a properly trained professional.
Reconnect with Your Story
Reconnecting with your story. With the help of a therapist, explore how you became so disconnected from your body. What were the critical events and themes in your story that led you to see the body as an enemy of your soul?
Reconnect with Community
Reconnecting with community. Shame disconnects you from community. Healing requires entering community.
The most powerful antidote to shame is to expose what you believe is shameful to the gaze of another and find that you are still acceptable. Psychologist Brené Brown who has spent her career studying shame calls this “experiencing empathy.” In her book The Gifts of Imperfection she writes:
Shame hates it when we reach out and tell our story. It hates having words wrapped around it—it can’t survive being shared. Shame loves secrecy. The most dangerous thing to do after a shaming experience is hide or bury our story. When we bury our story, the shame metastasizes2.
Reconnect Through Simple Acts
Reconnect with the body through simple acts. Begin to notice the everyday joys of the body. Be present with your senses such as sight, smell and hearing in every day events like going for a walk. Express gratitude for what your body can do for you. The body is a beautiful expression of who you are and it allows you to interact with the world around you. It is worth getting reacquainted.
Community Discussion – Share your thoughts here!
What steps have you taken to reconnect with yourself and noticing the everyday joys of the body?
References:
- Diane Powell, PhD, personal conversation, 2012
- Brené Brown, Ph.D., L.M.S.W., The Gifts of Imperfection; Let go of who you think your’e supposed to be and embrace who you are. nook edition, p. 24.
The opinions and views of our guest contributors are shared to provide a broad perspective of eating disorders. These are not necessarily the views of Eating Disorder Hope, but an effort to offer discussion of various issues by different concerned individuals.
Last Updated & Reviewed By: Jacquelyn Ekern, MS, LPC on July 7th, 2015
Published on EatingDisorderHope.com
