Breaking the Cycle of Shame in Eating Disorder Recovery

Shame involves internalizing feelings of being exposed and humiliated. Shame is different from guilt and is about the feeling of a person ‘being bad’ rather than ‘doing’ something bad.

Shame can drive self-destructive behavior, rage, avoidance, or addictions. Self harming behaviors are typically an attempt to avoid or regulate overwhelming, painful feelings and sensations.

These behaviors however, lead to further shame. Secrecy and silence can also fuel shame. Brene Brown defines shame as the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of acceptance and belonging [2].

Beginning to Break the Cycle

In order to break the cycle of shame, it is important to understand triggers that may be involved.. When analyzing shame, there are areas that can trigger a relapse of shame. First, self criticism and judgement are a trigger to shame [6]. Engaging in negative thinking can increase feelings of shame, leading to behaviors of self-harm andor isolation from support systems. Being able to show levels of self compassion, and empathy can help break this cycle.

Secondly, disconnecting and isolating your experiences, just as saying that no one understands what I am going through, can keep an individual in their own mind and space. It is easy for the person dealing with shame to quickly believe that they are alone in their past or current situation, or that sharing will burden others.

Being able to continue to attend group support meetings, counseling sessions, or calling a support, sharing in what you are feeling can be powerful and another way to confront this trigger. Thirdly, individuals with shame can be triggered by over-identifying with negative emotions. This means that people can get caught up in their emotions.

Challenging the Critical Voice

Eating disorders typically come with a critical voice that urges individuals to feel guilty or shame around food, body image, and past traumas. It can debilitating and the belief of being ‘not good enough’ becomes a part of the person’s belief system and can lead to feelings of defeat and helpless, otherwise shame. Shame can lead to binge cycles, purging or compensatory behaviors, or restriction [4].

Positive shame can be defined as self-protection but when taken to the extreme can lead to isolation and low self worth. Shame is composed of emotional, physiological, behavioral, and interpersonal components [5, 6].

In studies done on eating disorders and shame, researchers looked at what participants viewed as pride and shame [5]. Pride was seen as self control, the feeling of being extraordinary, the achievement of a particular appearance, and the act of rebellion through the eating disorder itself.

Based on the results, the researchers stated that those with eating disorders can feel both shame and pride simultaneously as well as separately. Studies show that women with eating disorders tend to have more intense emotions and more difficulty dealing with emotions than their non-eating disordered peers [6]. Emotions are linked to specific behaviors and shame tends to be associated with a desire to hide, avoid, and secretive behaviors.

Compassion and Self-Love

Breaking the Cycle of Shame in Eating Disorder Recovery involves self compassion and self love. Self-compassion, one way to break the shame cycle, involves showing kindness and understanding to oneself, recognizing there are universal struggles that all humans go through, and compassion is balancing feelings and emotions [6]. As these skills are practiced regularly, it can help reduce negative emotions and dealing with eating disorder behaviors.

Breaking the Cycle of Shame in Eating Disorder Recovery requires changing destructive behaviors, and working on obtaining and practicing affirming behaviors. It also requires positive feedback and rewards to help promote growth and change [1]. The behaviors, when conducted in a safe, non judgemental setting, works on being seen and known authentically and the person acting from a positive motive. It leads to actions that generate a feeling of accomplishment and pride.

Radical acceptance is another way to break the shame cycle. It is the way in which we accept ourselves, our situations without judgement. This is through connection and empathy. Sharing ourselves with others who show us radical acceptance and empathize without judgement is a way to break the shame cycle. Therapy, group work, and treatment centers focus intensely non-judgemental work with eating disorders.

Guilt is defined as being adaptive and helpful, allowing ourselves to hold a failed situation or behavior and compare to our values. Guilt can make you feel bad about a behavior, but it is also encourages us to take action as a result. Shame on the other hand is an intense, painful feeling or experience where a person believes that they are flawed and unworthy of love and belonging [3,4].

Finding Healing In Eating Disorder Recovery

There are three cycles to breaking shame within eating disorders.

1.  You need to talk to yourself like you talk to someone you love. This means, being kind and gentle, to be loving to yourself, to nurture you body and mind and soul. Cultivate love for self through self care and engaging in activities that you enjoy and releases you from feelings of shame.
2. Reaching out to a trusted friend or family member is essential. Creating a positive support system that is filled with encouragement and love can help you regain your strength and help remind you that you are not alone. It can give a person a strong foundation of being able to let go of shame during recovery.
3. Share your struggles and story. Being able to share with your counselor, your treatment team, support system and/or, group is way to connect to others who are going through similar experiences. Your treatment team can help with engaging new healthy coping skills, and self compassion.

In conclusion, shame is a powerful emotion that can trigger relapses, feelings of isolation and hopelessness within individuals with an eating disorder. Treatment however, that includes a therapist, nutritionist, psychiatrist, and others who share in similar struggles can help with breaking the cycle.

 

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About the Author: Libby Lyons, MSW, LCSW, CEDS is a specialist in the eating disorder field. Libby has been treating eating disorders for 10 years within the St. Louis area, and enjoys working with individuals of all ages.

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References:

[1] https://psychcentral.com/lib/breaking-the-cycle-of-shame-and-self-destructive-behavior/
[2] http://bingeeatingtherapy.com/2011/05/how-to-recover-from-shame/
[3] http://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/survivinged/2013/02/shame-and-eating-disorders/
[4] http://www.aacc.net/2016/12/12/letting-go-of-shame-in-eating-disorder-recovery/
[5] http://www.scienceofeds.org/2015/03/25/pride-before-a-fall-the-intertwining-of-pride-and-shame-in-eating-disorders/
[6] http://bedaonline.com/understanding-shame-and-self-compassion-and-binge-eating-disorder-a-study/

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The opinions and views of our guest contributors are shared to provide a broad perspective of eating disorders. These are not necessarily the views of Eating Disorder Hope, but an effort to offer discussion of various issues by different concerned individuals.

We at Eating Disorder Hope understand that eating disorders result from a combination of environmental and genetic factors. If you or a loved one are suffering from an eating disorder, please know that there is hope for you, and seek immediate professional help.

Reviewed By: Jacquelyn Ekern, MS, LPC on March 15, 2017.
Published on EatingDisorderHope.com