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Residential Assistants at College Dorms: How to Approach a Student About Eating Disorder Concerns
Contributor: Kirsten Haglund, Community Relations Representative for Timberline Knolls and Founder and President of the Kirsten Haglund Foundation
College can be a time of great self-discovery, making new friends, getting a stellar education and charting the course for the rest of your life. At the same time, college years bring with them a host of new anxieties, exacerbated by separation from home and familiar routines, new pressures, loneliness and self-doubt. College years can be the best, and sometimes the worst, years of a young person’s life.
Due to the tremendous pressures of college life, young people are at high risk for developing depression, anxiety, addiction and/or eating disorders. Eating disorders in particular can be incredibly dangerous, at times easily concealed, and even encouraged by peers. Anorexia, bulimia, binge-eating disorder (or some combination of the three) can not only disrupt someone’s education, but also destroy relationships and even take lives.
Therefore, early detection is very important – especially at the University. College dorms can become ground zero for recognizing, confronting and recommending action to address eating disorders, but this needs to be done in a healthy and caring way. Expertise and sensitivity is needed in addressing suspected eating disorders among college students, so here are a few suggestions for residential assistants (RA’s) or others in leadership roles:
Set aside a quiet private time:
If you or someone in the dorm or house notices someone might be struggling with an eating disorder, the first and most important thing to do is set aside a quiet, private place and time to talk with that individual. The concerns need to be brought to their personal attention, but not in a group of people, not at a party or in any other social setting.
Due to the sometimes difficult and deeply emotional nature of the conversation, privacy is key to earning that individual’s trust, and establishing a connection with them on a heart level, so they are more likely to listen, without feeling attacked.
Start with yourself – be vulnerable:
I always suggest to start by opening up yourself: what have you struggled with? Have you ever felt stressed, inadequate, anxious, or have you dealt with any major grief, struggle, or traumatic experience that you’re willing to share? Often, the individual with the eating disorder feels that they’re being lectured to or looked down upon.
By you being vulnerable those emotional barriers can be brought down. It helps to establish a level playing field, and helps to start a conversation about emotions and coping, rather than food and exercise – which is a sure way to have an individual close off and reject anything you’ve got to say.
Use “I” Statements – Avoid conflict:
Even in the best of circumstances, and with all precautions taken, the individual may want to defend or argue. Whatever happens, don’t. Do not get caught up in power struggles and accusatory statements. Instead, use “I” statements, such as “I care about you so much, therefore…” or “I see this happening and it really scares me,” or “I want to come alongside you in this…” It helps diffuse any tension. Avoid conflict at all costs, and always retain a tone of mutual respect.
Be prepared with resources:
If the conversation goes well, it is a good idea to have resources at hand so that the individual can act on what you’ve discussed. If they’re not feeling ready to see a therapist yet, perhaps you can refer them to some websites or blogs they can read, like EatingDisorderHope.com, to learn more about what they’re struggling with.
If they are a person of faith, recommending a campus ministry or community to join up with is a good idea. If they are open to treatment, having information on the campus counseling center is helpful; together, you might go ahead and call to schedule an appointment for the person.
If the conversation between the two of you does not go well, you can take the next step to try to get other adults involved, especially if the situation is very serious. Either way, being prepared for follow up after a conversation is critical. You’ve worked hard to convince that individual to trust you and that you’re on their team, so you must continue to be so, even after the initial talk.
As an RA or other leader in the college body, you are often the first line of defense against disordered eating and body image issues. That is a great responsibility! We are to love and care for our brothers and sisters who face a very fun, but also very difficult time at college, and that includes having difficult conversations when necessary. Even when students are resistant to help, it is important to remember that even the most hesitant can recover, and that by raising the issue, you may be saving a life.
Community Discussion – Share your thoughts here!
What resources are available within your area to support college students recovery from eating disorders?
About the author: Kirsten Haglund continues to work as an advocate for greater awareness of eating disorders and resources for care. Since she won the crown of Miss America 2008, she has spoken on numerous college campuses, worked with youth and church groups domestically and abroad, lobbied Congress with the Eating Disorders Coalition, and started her own non-profit, the Kirsten Haglund Foundation, to raise funds and assist families financially in seeking treatment for eating disorders. She is also the Community Relations Specialist for Timberline Knolls Residential Treatment Center.
The opinions and views of our guest contributors are shared to provide a broad perspective of eating disorders. These are not necessarily the views of Eating Disorder Hope, but an effort to offer discussion of various issues by different concerned individuals.
We at Eating Disorder Hope understand that eating disorders result from a combination of environmental and genetic factors. If you or a loved one are suffering from an eating disorder, please know that there is hope for you, and seek immediate professional help.
Last Updated & Reviewed By: Jacquelyn Ekern, MS, LPC on March 28, 2016
Published on EatingDisorderHope.com
The EatingDisorderHope.com editorial team comprises experienced writers, editors, and medical reviewers specializing in eating disorders, treatment, and mental and behavioral health.
