Renegotiating Meal Times in the Home

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Soup ot the dinner table

Contributor: Courtney Howard, B.A., Executive Assistant at Eating Disorder Hope and Addiction Hope

If you have a family member in recovery from an eating disorder, one show of support can be accommodating their meal times by adjusting your schedule to fit theirs. While this is not necessary since many families do not sit down to the table together, it can reduce stress and make meals less daunting for the individual in recovery.

Following the Dietician’s Orders

Once your loved one finds a dietician that is knowledgeable and connects with him or her, following this professional’s advice can be extremely important for recovery. This is especially true of meal plans, including meal times.

There is typically a time range when it comes to meal plans ordered by a dietician or other health professional. There can also be a range in the amount of meals or snacks that need to be consumed throughout the day. For example, a plan might be three meals and two to three snacks per day.

Regardless of the meal plan and its flexibility, adhering to this can prevent a multitude of triggers. It can be tempting to let this slide on a day when there is no time to grab breakfast in the morning or basketball practice runs late, but sticking to meal times early in recovery is essential.

Eating Meals as a Family

Family eating dinner togetherA 2012 meta-analysis of data [1] by researchers at Cornell University reports that children who eat meals with their families are 35 percent less likely to engage in disordered eating than children who eat separately. While this data is not necessarily regarding children in recovery from eating disorders, it certainly highlights the importance of shared meal times in developing a child’s relationship with food.

If you and your family usually do not eat meals together, it might be a good idea to begin by adapting your meal times to fit your loved one in recovery. This way, you can all reap the benefits of shared meal times while supporting your family member who needs it the most. This can benefit other children in the family who might also be struggling with food and eating.

It is important to model intuitive eating and non-disordered food behaviors when eating with your family, particularly your loved one struggling with an eating disorder. If this does not come naturally, consider doing your own work to improve your relationship with food. This can include reading books on intuitive eating, honoring your own hunger and fullness, and possibly seeing a mental health professional if you cannot break a pattern of disordered eating.

When There is Resistance

Group of young people during psychotherapyIf an eating disorder takes hold of your loved one, it will likely not go away without a fight. This means your loved one will probably be resistant to recovery at first. This can be difficult as a parent or sibling, especially during meal times.

When your family member resists meal times or does not agree to eat as a family, this is a red flag for disordered behavior. There is generally no reason to refuse following a dietician’s meal plan or eating with family unless the individual wants the freedom to engage in behaviors.

In cases in which the individual is unable to adhere to meal plans, more intensive treatment options should be considered. This can include inpatient, residential, or partial hospitalization programs, depending on the severity of symptoms. If your family member is not ready for recovery, it will make the road much longer. That being said, full recovery is possible and you can help your loved one take these initial steps.

How to Proceed

Whether or not your loved one is resistant, try setting meal times for the entire family to sit by the table and eat. Depending on work and school schedules, this might be difficult, but find at least one meal per day during which the family can eat together.

If this is not possible, try looking at everyone’s schedules to ensure that your family member in recovery has at least one meal buddy at each meal time. This can hold the individual accountable if he or she feels like engaging in disordered behaviors while at the same time providing emotional support. Establishing these meal times and connecting around the table as a family can also improve your communication and relationships.

Community Discussion – Share your thoughts here!

Do you have family traditions that involve meal time? In what ways have you found to honor your family while maintaining good self-care during this time?

Courtney Howard Image - 2-17-16About the Author: Courtney Howard is the Executive Assistant for Eating Disorder Hope and Addiction Hope. She graduated summa cum laude with a B.A. from San Diego State University, holds a paralegal certificate in Family Law, and is a Certified Domestic Violence Advocate. After obtaining her certification as a life coach, Courtney launched Lionheart Eating Disorder Recovery Coaching in 2015 and continues to be a passionate advocate for awareness and recovery.

References:

[1]: Cook, E., & Dunifon, R. (2012). Do Family Meals Really Make a Difference? Cornell University College of Human Ecology. Ithaca, New York.

The opinions and views of our guest contributors are shared to provide a broad perspective of eating disorders. These are not necessarily the views of Eating Disorder Hope, but an effort to offer discussion of various issues by different concerned individuals.

We at Eating Disorder Hope understand that eating disorders result from a combination of environmental and genetic factors. If you or a loved one are suffering from an eating disorder, please know that there is hope for you, and seek immediate professional help.

Last Updated & Reviewed By: Jacquelyn Ekern, MS, LPC on June 28, 2016
Published on EatingDisorderHope.com