Moving Back Home During ED Treatment and Recovery

Contributor: Leigh Bell, BA, writer for Eating Disorder Hope

Moving home after you’ve been on your own is rarely easy, and the process can be even more challenging when you’re doing it with an eating disorder. Family is beautiful and amazing and so often our foundation, but family is also convoluted, complicated, and sometimes, simply annoying.

So you’re returning to this messy, marvelous support system to recover from an eating disorder. Family can be one of the greatest weapons to fight an eating disorder, but like any weapon, we have to learn how to effectively use it.

Families are Imperative in Recovery from Eating Disorders

The Academy of Eating Disorders takes a strong stance that families should be “involved routinely in the treatment of most young people with an eating disorder,” according to the “Academy for Eating Disorders Position Paper: The Role of the Family in Eating Disorders.” [1]

“Exactly how such involvement should be structured, and how it will be most helpful will vary from family to family.”

This is a change from just 40 years ago, when families, and parents in particular, were seen as potentially exacerbating eating disorders and interfering with recovery from them.

A paradigm shift originated with work at the Maudsley Hospital in London in the late 1970s, and the family began to be seen as a “potential resource in therapy, easing parents’ burden of guilt, and promoting an attitude of inclusion that is reflected today,” the AED paper says.

It’s debated how much family should be involved in a loved one’s treatment for and recovery from an eating disorder. But if you’re moving home during treatment or recovery from an eating disorder, you’re family is going to be involved at least somewhat.

Many people have said it different ways, but the quote boils down to this: When you set expectations, you’re bound to be disappointed. And it’s inevitable. We can avoid neither expectations nor disappointment in life. Still, both are less likely when expectations are discussed and agreed upon.

Discussing Family Expectations is Helpful

Discuss your expectations with your treatment team, which you obviously have if you’re in treatment, and certainly need if you’re in early recovery. Once you have realized your expectations for returning home, ask your family members to do the same.

Your family also has notions of how this new living situation will work, and if you want them to respect your intentions, you have to also respect theirs. It’s probably best to arrange a therapy session during which you and your family can express and process the expectations.

For example, is a family member going to help you maintain your meal plan? Or abstain from bingeing and/or purging? If this is the expectation, a plan should be made because these things can get nasty when the eating disorder rears up, refusing to be defeated. If you and your family members are on the same team, you’ll use this weapon of family resourcefully and, together, defeat the eating disorder.

If you discuss these things when the eating disorder is “quiet,” you and your family can make a rational plan, putting you all on the same page.

Setting Boundaries with Your Family is Essential

In the same vein, you’re going to need to set some boundaries, of which you and your family are aware. Yes, you’ve moved back home because the eating disorder started to take over. Yes, you need help (Don’t we all at some point?). But you’re also an autonomous adult (perhaps a young one) who had been living independently. You simultaneously need support and some space.

Your family will probably need space, too. As you already know dealing with an eating disorder is extremely difficult, and your family will be facing your eating disorder, too. Talk to your family about what “space” means. Begin with the easiest: physical space. Do you still have bedroom at home? If not, where will you stay? Will you have a curfew, household chores, etc.?

Again, it will be helpful to have these discussions with assistance from of your treatment team, who knows where you are in recovery and what you need to go further.

Your point in recovery will help determine boundaries and expectations when you do move home. If you’re not emotionally or physically stable, you may not have a choice in some matters. You may need have every meal with someone else. Maybe you’ll need to be with someone after each meal. Your treatment team can also help decide these matters.

Allowing Your Family to Help You is Valuable!

Moving home isn’t likely something you want to do, but it’s you may need to do. Remember how important your family and your recovery are to you; and this may be hard when those eating-disordered thoughts go racing through your head. We tend to lose sight during those moments. Allow your family to help you in whatever way you decide is best.

And, remember, this living situation can be temporary. You can move out when your recovery is stable, and maybe this is greater incentive for recovery.

Community Discussion – Share your thoughts here!

Have you or your loved one moved back home in order to have family support in their eating disorder recovery? What positive impact did this have on your healing?

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About the Author: Leigh Bell holds a Bachelor of Arts in English with minors in Creative Writing and French from Loyola Marymount University in Los Angeles. She is a published author, journalist with 15 years of experience, and a recipient of the Rosalynn Carter Fellowship for Mental Health Journalism. Leigh is recovered from a near-fatal, decade-long battle with anorexia and the mother of three young, rambunctious children.

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References

[1]: Le Grange, D., Lock, J., Loeb, K., & Nicholls, D. (2010). Academy for Eating Disorders position paper: The role of the family in eating disorders. International Journal of Eating Disorders, 43(1), 1-5.

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The opinions and views of our guest contributors are shared to provide a broad perspective of eating disorders. These are not necessarily the views of Eating Disorder Hope, but an effort to offer discussion of various issues by different concerned individuals.

We at Eating Disorder Hope understand that eating disorders result from a combination of environmental and genetic factors. If you or a loved one are suffering from an eating disorder, please know that there is hope for you, and seek immediate professional help.

Last Updated & Reviewed By: Jacquelyn Ekern, MS, LPC on January 3, 2015
Published on EatingDisorderHope.com