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My Loved One Has an Eating Disorder – What’s My Role?
Eating disorders are serious and complex mental and physical illnesses. If your loved one has an eating disorder and in an effort to help them, you may find yourself in a power struggle to control their eating behaviors, which in turn may strain your relationship.
Because the eating disorder thrives in secrecy, shame, and isolation, your loved one may withdraw from you, finding it easier to keep their struggles hidden. They will often tell you, “really, I’m fine.”
The love and concern you hold for someone who is ill with an eating disorder is evidence of your devotion and dedication. You are a valuable member of your loved one’s treatment team.
A Loved One Has an Eating Disorder and Your Role
Your love and support to help your loved one stay accountable to their treatment team’s recommendations are needed. Family therapy is a platform of support.
Though it may be difficult at times, studies show that the chances of recovery increase and relapse rates decrease when the family is included in the treatment experience [1, 3]. Understanding your role and how to best offer support is essential.
In a multi-disciplinary team, all providers play an integral part in the success of a patient’s healthcare experience. The patient, their family, and their support system are another facet of this team.
One way to think about this is to label the roles using a sports analogy: The patient is ‘the athlete,’ the treatment team are ‘the coaches,’ the support people are ‘the fans and cheerleaders,’ and the eating disorder is ‘the opponent, ED.’
For the athlete to succeed and beat ED, it’s imperative for the coaches who have the playbook to plan the strategies and call the plays. As fans and cheerleaders, trusting and supporting the decisions of the coaches who have experience fighting ED is key.
Offering reassurance, support, and compassion to your loved one, as they battle their ED, will go a long way. Too often, family and friends can misjudge the severity of ED.
Their loved one seems to be capable and functioning well, they don’t look ‘sick.’
It’s puzzling because the major symptoms appear to be voluntary and controllable.
There are serious medical consequences of eating disorders that are not always visible, and oftentimes symptoms are attributed to a seemingly unrelated physical problem [2].
Start by seeking out a comprehensive diagnostic assessment from providers with known expertise in working with complex eating disorders and utilize evidence-based treatment protocols. Then support your loved one and encourage them to follow the recommendations of their treatment team.
Helping your loved one choose recovery is difficult for everyone involved. Knowing that it is not your role to diagnose or convince your loved one that they are ill, limits the power struggle. Communicate your belief that the situation requires help, and you are willing to locate a professional treatment team.
Remember your loved one has an illness, and direct your negative feelings towards ED. Keep believing in the power of your loved one’s ability to recover, and cheer them on when ED exhausts them. As a caregiver, your role is to support recovery, not to control it.
References:
[1] Frank, GKW., Vlastos, ZE, & Shott, ME. (2016). What Causes Eating Disorders – And What Do They Cause? St. Petersburg, FL: BookLocker.com, Inc. [2] Gaudiani, J. (2019). Sick Enough: A Guide to the Medical Complications of Eating Disorders. New York, NY: Routledge. [3] National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA) (2015). NEDA Parent Toolkit (pdf), 3rd edition. National Eating Disorders Association. https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org.About the Author:
Sheila Swearngin, Ph.D., CEDS-S is the Program Director at EDCare. She is a licensed psychologist in both Missouri and Kansas. She has an MA in Clinical Psychology and a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology from the University of Missouri in Kansas City.
She completed her pre-doctoral internship at the University of Kansas, School of Medicine in Wichita and Wichita State University, specializing in the treatment of eating disorders.
The opinions and views of our guest contributors are shared to provide a broad perspective on eating disorders. These are not necessarily the views of Eating Disorder Hope, but an effort to offer a discussion of various issues by different concerned individuals.
We at Eating Disorder Hope understand that eating disorders result from a combination of environmental and genetic factors. If you or a loved one are suffering from an eating disorder, please know that there is hope for you, and seek immediate professional help.
Published October 14, 2019, on EatingDisorderHope.com
Reviewed & Approved on October 14, 2019, by Jacquelyn Ekern MS, LPC
The EatingDisorderHope.com editorial team comprises experienced writers, editors, and medical reviewers specializing in eating disorders, treatment, and mental and behavioral health.
