I Do Not Have an Eating Disorder

Is your loved one displaying signs and symptoms of an eating disorder but refusing to admit they have a problem? Denial is a common part of early eating disorder (ED) recovery, and while this stage can be frustrating, there are numerous things you can do to help your loved ones recognize their illness and encourage them to seek help.

The Pre-contemplation Stage of Eating Disorder Recovery

Eating disorder recovery is a complex process involving five different stages. And while many people assume the first step in recovery is seeking help or confronting ED behaviors, the first stage (called the Pre-contemplation Stage) actually involves denial and an inability to recognize the problem.

During this stage, close family members and friends will often notice ED symptoms (food restriction, binge/purge episodes, obsession with weight, compulsive exercise, etc.) and may even try to point out the problem, but the individual with the disorder will most likely be unwilling to discuss the issue and will refuse to admit they have a problem.

Signs that you or a loved one may be in the Pre-contemplation stage of recovery include:

• Engaging in ED behaviors like restriction, binge/purge episodes, over-exercise, etc., but not seeing or recognizing the problem

• Unwilling to hear about treatment/get help

• Not willing to admit there is a problem, despite loved ones or care providers voicing their concerns

• Only taking action to recover (agreeing to seek treatment, stopping behaviors) when pressured or threatened by parents, loved ones, doctors, etc. When pressure is removed, ED habits are resumed, and/or treatment is abandoned.

During this stage of recovery, it is critical to remember that the eating disorder is often providing the individual with a sense of protection and control, or is serving as a coping mechanism to help them navigate difficult emotions or circumstances [1].

In a sense, the disorder becomes a security blanket that provides the person with an escape, a boost in confidence, or a sense of control over their life. As such, it is understandable that most people with eating disorder go through this initial stage of denial that they have a problem and refusal to seek help.

After all, the disorder has convinced them that it is there to help and that without it, they would lose an important part of their lives. This is why arguing, pleading, and long lectures rarely work during the Pre-contemplation Stage of recovery.

As Carlo C. DiClemente and Mary Marden Velasquez write in “Motivational Interviewing and the Stages of Change,” “Precontemplators do not want to be lectured to or given ‘action’ techniques when they are not ready to change” [2].

So how can you help your loved ones recognize their problem and agree to seek help when they don’t even believe they have an eating disorder? Here are several tips and suggestions to help.

How to Help Your Loved One During the Pre-contemplation Stage of Recovery

If your loved one is showing signs and symptoms of an eating disorder but is currently in denial about their illness and is unwilling to seek treatment, here are ways that you can help:

• Educate yourself about eating disorders (signs and symptoms, triggers, treatments, etc.).

• Gently and calmly educate them about the destructive effects eating disorders have on a person’s health and quality of life, but do so in an indirect and non-confrontational way (e.g., “someone mentioned that…”).

• Stay calm when talking with them and try to understand their point of view.

• Display compassion and sensitivity.

• Refrain from engaging in “logical” arguments about the eating disorder. No one will win.

• Do not ignore or justify their eating disorder behaviors.

• Be open and share your concerns with them.

• If you notice their health or quality of life deteriorating (personality changes, moodiness, weakness, fatigue, etc.), gently draw connections between their ED symptoms and these consequences.

• Take care of your own health and protect your life from being overwhelmed by the eating disorder.

• Talk with them about seeking treatment and try to discuss their concerns.

• If they are unwilling to admit that they have an eating disorder and will not seek ED treatment, encourage them to seek professional help for their physical symptoms or other psychological issues.

• If you are dealing with a child or adolescent and are enrolling them in ED treatment before they have admitted they have an eating disorder, talk to them about how the treatment will help them address some of their non-eating disorder issues or problems (family/friend conflicts, health concerns, etc.).

Finally, while it’s important to address the eating disorder and gently discuss your concerns with your loved one, remember to not solely focus on their eating habits or disordered behaviors, but hopefully helping them realize their denial. As stated earlier, during this stage of recovery, long lectures and arguing rarely help and can even push the individual farther away from you.

So make sure to spend quality time with them (doing their favorite activities and talking about their interests, goals, and pursuits in life) and continue to be accepting and affectionate. And always remember that no matter how frustrating or scary this stage may seem, recovery is possible.

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Resources:

[1] Leichner, P. (2005, January). A new treatment approach to eating disorders in youth. BC Medical Journal. https://bcmj.org/sites/default/files/public/BCMJ%20_47_Vol1_New_Treatment.pdf.

[2] Diclemente, Carlo C., & Velasquez, Mary Marden. (2002). Motivational Interviewing and the Stages of Change. Research Gate. https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Mary_Velasquez/publication/231081405_Motivational_Interviewing_and_the_Stages_of_Change/links/0fcfd50b5f8c5af70e000000/Motivational-Interviewing-and-the-Stages-of-Change.pdf#page=222.

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About the Author:

Sarah Musick is a freelance writer who specializes in eating disorder awareness and education. After battling with a 4-years long eating disorder, she made it her mission to help others find hope and healing in recovery.

Her work has been featured on numerous eating disorder blogs and websites. When she’s not writing, Sarah is off traveling the world with her husband.

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The opinions and views of our guest contributors are shared to provide a broad perspective on eating disorders. These are not necessarily the views of Eating Disorder Hope, but an effort to offer a discussion of various issues by different concerned individuals.

We at Eating Disorder Hope understand that eating disorders result from a combination of environmental and genetic factors. If you or a loved one are suffering from an eating disorder, please know that there is hope for you, and seek immediate professional help.

Published January 19, 2021, on EatingDisorderHope.com
Reviewed & Approved on January 19, 2021, by Jacquelyn Ekern MS, LPC