Help! My Roommate’s Living Behaviors Are Triggering

Contributor: Kelly Flack, MA, LPC, Eating Disorder Specialist at Timberline Knolls

One of the great unknowns when entering college is the roommate. Often, the match turns out to be one that is just right and a true friendship results.

However, for a young woman in eating disorder recovery, certain behaviors related to a roommate could be problematic, especially if they are associated with food or eating behaviors. An example of this would be a person who is constantly talking about diets, calories, weight, or size. A more serious example would be a roommate who restricts, binges and/or purges.

Effectively Approaching a Roommate

Regardless of degree of severity, a roommate’s behaviors may be triggering. If this is the case for you, important steps can be taken.

First, observe what is showing up for you both physically and emotionally, keeping in mind that you cannot control your roommate, or your feelings that show up as a result of your roommate’s behaviors.
You can, however, control how you react to the triggers.

Practicing mindfulness and cultivating awareness of your present moment experience will enable you to identify what triggered your emotional reaction. When she talks about schoolwork, you feel fine; when she talks about calories, you experience tightness in your chest, perhaps an escalating heartbeat.

Positive Coping Skills

This is the ideal opportunity to practice the recovery skills inherent to your relapse-prevention plan and to challenge the negative thoughts or urges that you may be experiencing. Allow yourself to be present with the emotions, since examining each trigger can provide valuable information pertinent to your recovery. Perhaps you need to extricate yourself from the environment and call a trusted person who can offer support.

An eventual conversation with the roommate could prove to be empowering as you assert your own recovery. You could tell her that ongoing talks about diets and weight is placing a genuine strain on your recovery journey. You could also express legitimate concern for her health and possibly discuss the situation with a resident assistant in the dorm.

If the triggering behavior persists, additional action could be taken in the form of asking for a room relocation. Even if you genuinely like this roommate, nothing is worth jeopardizing your recovery.

Community Discussion – Share your thoughts here!

How might you positively approach a roommate who might be discouraging towards your recovery efforts from an eating disorder?

About the author: Kelly earned her Bachelor of Arts degree in Psychology from North Central College and was awarded her Master of Arts degree in Counseling from Northwestern University in Evanston, Illinois. Kelly spent her practicum year seeing clients at The Family Institute at Northwestern University and went on to complete her internship year at Timberline Knolls with the Eating Disorder Specialist Team. Kelly now works as an Eating Disorder Specialist at Timberline Knolls.

The opinions and views of our guest contributors are shared to provide a broad perspective of eating disorders. These are not necessarily the views of Eating Disorder Hope, but an effort to offer discussion of various issues by different concerned individuals.

We at Eating Disorder Hope understand that eating disorders result from a combination of environmental and genetic factors. If you or a loved one are suffering from an eating disorder, please know that there is hope for you, and seek immediate professional help.

Last Updated & Reviewed By: Jacquelyn Ekern, MS, LPC on July 21, 2016
Published on EatingDisorderHope.com

Eating Disorder Hope Staff

The EatingDisorderHope.com editorial team comprises experienced writers, editors, and medical reviewers specializing in eating disorders, treatment, and mental and behavioral health.