Bulimia: The Right Question to Ask

Blog Contributed By: Catherine, Resident Expert Parent at Eating Disorder Hope

When she was seventeen, our bright and beautiful, first-born daughter confessed she had a problem. She was hopelessly stuck in a pattern of bingeing and purging. She was frightened, depressed and utterly defeated.

I comforted her.

But inside, I felt blindsided. Anxious. Restless. Unable to sleep. Suddenly, my familiar world seemed small enough to fit inside a snowglobe, and now some great force had picked up our comfortable existence and was shaking it . . . hard.

I felt like it was on me to somehow fix this problem, now, and recover some semblance of normalcy. Now, now, now!

The Frantic Search for Help

In those first days, I frantically searched the internet for clues about where to find help — preferably anonymously. There wasn’t much information out there in 2007. I flipped through the yellow pages, scrutinizing credentials, and then phoned both of the two female counselors in our area who listed specializations in eating disorders.

My calls went to voicemail. I tried to hold my emotions in check while leaving messages. But I wanted to scream into the phone “This is an emergency. Don’t you get it? Our child is in danger, our family is in crisis, and I have questions!”

My questions, at the start, looked like this:

• How did this happen?
• Could my child die?
• What will people think?
• Am I somehow to blame?
• What if _______? (fill in the blank with your worst fear)

Over time, I did receive adequate answers to those questions. But what I really wanted to know, I didn’t even know to ask. Because maybe it’s the scariest question to ask.

Is There Hope?

When we ask that question, so much hangs in the balance.

Is there hope for my child’s wellness? Is there hope for my pain? Is there hope for our wounded relationships? Is there hope we can be a healthy family again?

Yes.

Yes, yes, yes. Oh friend, I needed to hear that there is hope. Not because it’s comforting, but because it’s true. There’s hope for her, and hope for you. There’s every reason to hope.

But you may be at Square One today. That scared place. That everything-is-out-of-my-control place. That place where none of the answers you receive quite satisfy. I get it.

Oh, how I want to put my arms around you and assure you that not only is there hope for healing, but it’s quite possible your child and you will be more, not less. Not in spite of this world-shaking crisis; because of it. More self-aware.

More emotionally and spiritually healthy. More empathetic. More focused on what’s important, inside and outside of your snowglobe life.

Friend, I know that doesn’t feel like enough today. You want to take action. There are a few meaningful action steps you can take. You can lean in to the process. You can seek professional help for yourself, not just for your child. Above all, you can reach out and take hope.