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Dealing With the Loss of a Loved One in Eating Disorder Recovery
As human beings, we experience a range of emotions throughout our lifetime, some of which are stronger than others. Some emotions utterly change our perspective on life. Grief is one of these intense emotions that perhaps never goes away completely, but rather evolves and changes over time.
For a person who has an eating disorder or who is susceptible to developing an eating disorder, the experience of grief, particularly when losing a loved one, can be triggering in many ways.
Understanding the stages of grief and methods of healthy coping can bring about healing while helping maintain recovery for the long-term.
Understanding the Stages of Grief
Whether the loss of a loved one was expected or sudden, losing someone we love and who has been close to us will undoubtedly result in a void that nothing can fill.
Grief passes through different stages from the onset of loss, and as a person experiences each of these stages, an eating disorder can also take different forms or serve a range of purposes. The five stages of grief that are commonly experienced through the loss of a loved one, according to the Kübler-Ross model, are as follows [1]:
Denial: Typically the first reaction experienced after losing a loved one, an individual often struggles to face the reality of the situation. In the case of losing someone close, a person may be unable to fully grasp that their loved one is gone.
Anger: Once the reality of the situation has become clear, a person dealing with grief from the passing of a loved one will often experience anger and/or frustration. Common questions asked during this phase may include, “Why would this happen?” or “How could this happen to me?”
Bargaining: In this phase of grief, an individual may try to find a means of compromise in attempt to avoid grief. In the case of losing a loved one, a person might ruminate over what might have been done differently. For example, thinking, “I’d be a much better person if he/she was here with me again,” etc.
Depression: In this stage of grief, a person often becomes overcome by the loss of their loved one and/or the recognition of their own mortality. The length of this phase may vary based on the individual, as well as the severity of the depression. A person may isolate during this time, refrain from any social activities, and/or remain mournful.
Acceptance: In this stage of grief, a person often comes to terms with the loss of their loved one or experiences some stability with their state of emotions. Acceptance may simply mean moving past depression and toward acceptance of loss [2].
It is important to know that everyone experiences these stages differently and in various orders, often depending on the individual and their specific situation.
Eating Disorders Through the Stages of Grief
Whether an eating disorder has been active prior to the moment of losing a loved one, or a person is in remission from an eating disorder, grief can trigger many overwhelming emotions and experiences.
Because eating disorders often develop as a person’s way of learning how to cope through difficult circumstances, it is not uncommon to feel heightened urges to reengage in the eating disorder while going through the process of grief [3].
The complex emotions and feelings experienced with grief, including:
- Anger
- Frustration
- Depression
- Anxiety
- Uncertainty and more, can trigger someone in recovery to fall back into the behaviors that once offered comfort and solace during difficulties.
When faced with the unknown or overwhelming loss, finding some sense of control with food may offer a false sense of comfort when one’s surroundings feel chaotic. Engaging in disordered eating behaviors can also feel like an escape from a situation that is overpowering.
Staying Connected to Help
Whether you have been in recovery for years or are just beginning your journey, you are never beyond help and support. The experience of losing a loved one while in eating disorder recovery can throw off the trajectory of your efforts in the most unexpected ways.
Staying connected to your treatment team and professionals can be one of your most helpful resources throughout the process of grief.
Take the time you need to process, grieve and heal from the pain you are experiencing. Be aware of increased urges to engage in your eating disorder and don’t be afraid to ask for help. Spending extra time on self-care can also be helpful when you are feeling out of touch with your body while grieving.
Know that you are not alone during this process and that you have a community that supports your every step.
About the Author: Crystal is a Masters-level Registered Dietitian Nutritionist (RDN) with a specialty focus in eating disorders, maternal/child health and wellness, and intuitive eating. Combining clinical experience with a love of social media and writing, Crystal serves as the Director of Content and Social Media for Eating Disorder Hope/Addiction Hope, where her passion to help others find recovery and healing is integrated into each part of her work.
As a Certified Intuitive Eating Counselor, Crystal has dedicated her career to helping others establish a healthy relationship with food and body through her work with EDH/AH and nutrition private practice.
References:
[1]: Kübler-Ross, Elisabeth; Kessler, David (June 5, 2007). “On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss”. Scribner. Accessed 21 April 2017[2]: Santrock, J.W. (2007). A Topical Approach to Life-Span Development. New York: McGraw-Hill. ISBN 0-07-338264-7
[3]: Mary Anne Cohen, “Grief and Eating Disorders – The New York Center for Eating Disorders”, https://www.edreferral.com/blog/grief-and-eating-disorders-by-mary-anne-cohen-director-the-new-york-center-for-eating-disorders-47 Accessed 21 April 2017
The opinions and views of our guest contributors are shared to provide a broad perspective of eating disorders. These are not necessarily the views of Eating Disorder Hope, but an effort to offer discussion of various issues by different concerned individuals.
We at Eating Disorder Hope understand that eating disorders result from a combination of environmental and genetic factors. If you or a loved one are suffering from an eating disorder, please know that there is hope for you, and seek immediate professional help.
Published on May 1, 2017.
Reviewed By: Jacquelyn Ekern, MS, LPC on April 30, 2017.
Published on EatingDisorderHope.com
Baxter Ekern is the President of Eating Disorder Hope. He is responsible for the management and operations of Eating Disorder Hope. Baxter has been lending his services to Eating Disorder Hope for several years but came on board as the full-time president in November 2016.
